Kelsey, your introduction is great! I'll start explaining from top to bottom what I thought of your page.. Firstly, I love your picture on the home page. It's beautiful! I love the variety of colors and lighting, and I like how the picture looks older and worn; it adds some texture. When I read the description, I was like... what the heck is a Muse? You explain it well in your introduction though. I wasn't sure about the title until I read the intro too, but now I see how it fits and I think it's great! I do think you could change the font of the title though, it's a little drab, but I like your sky background! As for the introduction, I think there are a few comma splices that could be fixed, and the initial paragraph could use a little editing; it just doesn't flow very well. But I did get right into your story and found it really entertaining! I don't know much about the Olympian gods, and I think you do a Fantastic job explaining each one and setting the stage for what's about to come next! It really is wonderful. And I can picture exactly what is going on in the classroom as well, which is great. I feel like the setting is pretty modern, and I really liked that ALOT. And how the goddesses actually enter into the room?? That was so awesome, I never would have thought of this sort of thing. It makes the whole story more interactive and I think it was a really great idea. Overall, really love your story.
The idea for your storybook is so adorable! I want to go to demigod daycare! Did the idea for this come from working with children or in a school or something? I'll have to read your introduction after this to see if you mention anything like that. :)
I really like your introduction. Like I said above, the theme is adorable. It's also nice how you mapped out which stories you'll be telling. Your ideas were introduced very well and I get the feeling that having a story in which stories are told to little kids will allow for very clear explanations of things that may be difficult to grasp. The comment above me talks about the setting sounding modern but I can't really tell if it is. It'd be awesome if it were, though! I love the idea of taking these magical themes into a more modern setting. And if it is modern, then there are a million unrelated things I want to know. I think I'm getting too distracted with those thoughts! haha
As for the design of your storybook, I think the blue cloudy background is really sweet and goes with the daycare theme well. You added nice pictures, although if you can find a higher quality one of the first picture in your intro that'd be nice.
I think your storybook will be great. I'm excited to see how it turns out and how you end up retelling the stories!
I like the subject, but would personally prefer a more enticing background. There is so much you could do with the “daycare” theme that would be super playful and fun. Something more exciting. However, that is just my personal tastes. I liked the picture you chose for the cover page. I thought it captured the playfulness that is assumed with a daycare. So, I thought it went really well with your title. Your introduction brought back memories of sitting in a circle crisscross applesauce hands in your lap. Haha. I loved that you explained who the Goddesses are in your introduction, but still maintained consciousness of being in a classroom (by saying a boy had lost interest etc). I like that your introduction ended with a smooth transition into your stories. I liked how in your first story you connected the muse Ourania to Artemis and Apollo by explaining that she is the muse of astronomy and they are gods of the sky. I think it is safe to say that all of us had a kid like Percy in our class at some point. Although you were concerned about piecing together details from different stories, I thought your story was really good and the details fit really well into it.
Kelsey, the premise for your storybook is so cute! I love how you incorporated a very informative style of storytelling while keeping the mood light with the child demigods. First of all, I chose to read your storybook because the title drew me in immediately--with a name like "Demigod Daycare," I figured there were a lot of interesting ways this story could go. I certainly liked how you set the tone of the daycare by panning over to the audience (if you will), describing the actions of the children in response to what the Muses say. You also really captured the essence of a young audience through the words of the teachers. I loved how the stories are introduced so that the entire storytelling session is framed right from the beginning, and it was done well with regards to the setting. I can definitely imagine a teacher trying to get her class excited to learn.
I really enjoyed looking at the images you chose as well! I am somewhat familiar with the Muses, but have never known what they looked like. The mural/painting that you chose was beautiful and provided great imagery for the graceful teachers in this daycare.
Overall, you did a great job introducing your storybook, and I can't wait to read more of your work!
Wow. This was an incredible story! I’m really impressed. I had an image of the entire story in my head the entire time. I loved the extra details you added about the kids’ behaviors and the nervousness of Ourania. The interruptions from the students were hilariously on par with how children act always. That was wonderful. I do not know much about Greek mythology, so I learned a ton from your story while I was being entertained! I had no idea that each muse specialized in different gods and goddesses. That was interesting. I just thought everyone knew everything about all the higher beings! You explained that very well within the dialogue. Having the children answer the question was a great way to not have to narrorate everything single piece of information. I really want to follow your Storybook. Don’t be alarmed if you get a comment from me every week! The amount of research you did for this story is very impressive as well. You went into so much detail and had accurate background information. I will never doubt your knowledge on Greek mythology! I bet it was difficult to figure out how to piece everything together. That takes a creative mind. I really cannot think of any critiques, you’ve got everything covered!
I love the idea of your storybook! It is so cute! I have always been a huge fan of Greek mythology. Your idea of having the muses tell these stories to a bunch of little demigods is quite ingenious. It has to be simple enough for them to understand it, but entertaining enough to keep their attention. I also really love how you have them raising their hands and interacting during the story. My mom is a teacher and I have sat in on many of her classes so this makes the story seem more real. However, I will say with a bunch of little kids, you will have some that just refuse to pay attention. It might be kind of cute to have a couple goofing off and the teacher and/or muses getting onto them. Maybe they were playing with toy swords in the back of the group or something that only a little demigod could do to get into trouble. I really like that you have more than one muse telling the story. From your introduction, I assumed that they would all be told by the muse of history. I was pleasantly mistaken. I think that will bring a good spin on things. You definitely have an opportunity to tell each story in a completely different way by creating the option of more than one storyteller. Great job with your stories so far!
Hey Kelsey! Thank you for your comment on my Famous Last Words post. I knew that Fault in Our Stars was based off a true character but never read up on it. Thank you for that helpful comment!
I love your cover page, and the background that you have provided for your Storybook! My Storybook consists of stories that pertain to Hercules, and I am excited to see if you will incorporate him as well! I love Greek mythology, and I am very excited to see what your stories have in store!
After reading you introduction, I now see what your Storybook is more centered around. I still find it very exciting! I like how the main theme of the project is to tell the story of Olympian goddesses, but you are doing this by retelling stories to an audience of children. This is a great perspective that I don't I could have come up with!
After reading your first story, I have to reiterate that you are doing such a great job with this Storybook. When I finally figured out that you were telling your stories, to the group of young demigods, I didn't expect you to keep them engaged as the stories are being told. I like how you incorporated Hercules into your story, and gave insight that this was Zeus' infidelity with Leto was definitely not his first offense. In your author's note you mention how there are several accounts to Greek myths, and they are hard to piece together at times. I couldn't agree with you more, and I like how you decided to use this to your advantage by choosing certain pieces and combining them to make a story of your own.
I really liked your entire Storybook concept, Kelsey! I love the idea of a bunch of different demigods (no doubt some with similar parentage) gathered together and listening to stories of their parents as children. You were absolutely right about it being hard to piece together Greek Mythology, and I think you did a beautiful job! Having the children interject with questions was a great way to explain some of the trickier parts to the story. I also loved how you weaved some humor into your first story with the bit about the relationship between Hera and Heracles. I loved how it was a bit of an uncomfortable moment for everyone, as it couldn't really be explained to a child why the goddess hated him so much. The images you used on your cover page were beautiful. I find all depictions of the muses fascinating and the depictions of each goddess were so different than any I've ever seen before! I think it's great that you chose to tell your stories about some of the goddesses - I feel that their stories can get a little overlooked in the wake of all the tales about the male heroes and gods. I look forward to reading some of your future stories. Keep up the good work!
Kelsey, thank you for taking the time to read my storybook page. I hope that you liked the way I am incorporating the Doctor into some of the stories. Originally, I saw that the Doctor was an example of one of the ways you might use a storytelling point of view, and as soon as I read that, my mind started racing with all the ways I could make it work. Thanks for your encouraging words!
Hey, Kelsey. Thanks for commenting on my blog, and especially on my Week 2 story a while back. I always enjoy getting feedback from fellow students of writing and I hope you'll read more of my stuff in the future and leave comments, as I plan to do the same for your stories.
Kelsey, thanks for your comments on my storybook! I really like how you went from top to bottom and commented on what you liked, what you would improve, and what went through your mind as you were reading the story! It's always nice to know what I did well and how other people interpret my stories :)
If it was your intention, the humorous and playful tone of your introduction and story puts a smile on your face. You're so adept and subtly introducing small jokes that utilize Greek mythology. It reminds me of adult humor that's weaved ito kid's movies. Your coverpage, thanks to its light blue background and festive image, helps to capture the playfulness of your Storybook.
I'm amazed at how well your first story depicts the demigods as children. The dynamic you have created between the children and the muse who tells the story makes your story fun to read, and I hope you continue that pattern as you write your other stories. Plus, you do not introduce the kids directly, and I love that decision. Now, when I read your future stories, I won't know whom to expect! It's a fun type of suspense.
I do have one suggestion. You might try imbedding some images within the story itself. You've chosen good images, and I would hate for them not to have an effect upon the reader. If they are at the bottom, I think they don't get enough decision. Then again, that should not be a concern of yours. It's a very minor suggestion on my part.
Hi Kelsey, I am going to comment on your storybook site. I will be making comments on the layout of your site as well as the content of your site. First and foremost when I initially clicked on to your site. I thought you did an amazing job in terms of the use of image. I think that clicking on your page it really compliments the title of your story book it really gives the readers a very ancient feel. As the use of background colors and text really worked great with the image on your home page. I also think that your title was also really interesting. It makes me wonder does it mean the day care of the Gods. How great would that be if you had all these ancient Gods coming together, could you imagine the stories they would tell about the people they watched over. Reading your introduction, I think that you are a very creative writer how you incorporated the power of the gods in a children’s day care helping them to draw better. I also like how you introduced each God to the children and gave your readers a brief explanation of what each god/Goddess stood for. I think that you have done a great job so far. Keep up the good work.
Hi Kelsey, I personally was drawn in by just your title. Writing a storybook over baby demigods is a brilliant idea! So brilliant I almost wish I thought of it! Your cover photo is very fitting for the theme of your storybook. Also the general design and layout of your site is a perfect fit. At first I was kind of confused on the concept of you story but after reading the first story I got a better feel for it. I like how you gave such distinguishable personalities to each muse. You do a great job of portraying how a real child would react in this situation. Except these children are demigods, so it has an extra flare to your story. I completely agree that Greek Mythology is very hard to piece together. There’s always such different variations to each story that it’s hard to weed out the real origin. Despite this I like the approach you’re taking for this storybook. You’re doing a good job about introducing characters and making sure that your audience knows their backgrounds and purpose. I’m looking forward to reading your other stories and how you’ll introduce other characters. Keep up the good work Kelsey!
Hi Kelsey, I liked your idea to tell the stories like how a teacher might instruct a classroom about a certain topic. Having a mom who is a first grade teacher and also having worked at a school age after school program myself, most of the occurrences in your story I found amusing such as the loss of attention by the boys and of course a kid trying to brag about their dad. My favorite thing was when you had Perseus scared that someone would jump out of his head when he had a headache. I think your choice and style of storytelling is very clever for this because it lets you introduce several other goddesses without having to divert from your main subjects. The only problem I had with the inclusion of all of those characters however is that all of the names and and interjections by the side characters are a bit distracting and make the story hard to follow. But then again I would imagine that a setting with a bunch of demigod children would be a pretty chaotic place. Overall, I think you did a very good job presenting such a large amount information in a small amount of writing and I'll be sure to check out how you conclude your storybook.
Kelsey! I chose you for my free choice in this week’s Storybook commenting. I have to say, I absolutely love your layout and template you chose! It’s very fitting! Your idea of the mythical daycare was so creative! After reading your introduction I really felt like I was actually at a God/Goddess’ children’s daycare! I thought your pictures were gorgeous, of all the beautiful statues. In your first story, I thought you did an excellent job with the dialogue. I could just picture the inquisitive children constantly interrupting and asking questions, demanding answers. You really encompassed the children and their various personalities. I like how you came up with the two stories, teaching the children about how Athena and Artemis came to be. I know how difficult mythology and piecing together the stories can be. But, I believe you did an incredible job. As for the second story, I always loved reading about Athena in Greek mythology. I was able to visit the sites you used for the story and muses. I found these sites to be quite interesting; I will have to read up more about them later. I cannot wait to see which God/Goddess you will be discussing at the daycare next! Great job!
Hey Kelsey! This is my first time to visit your Storybook page, and let me just say that I think your cover page is perfect for your Demigod Daycare topic! I find it pretty amusing that you chose to use what looks like adults as the ones dancing in a circle together. We all certainly have an inner child that has to break free occasionally!
I thought that your introduction was very charming and a good representation of how children are not afraid to say just about anything that comes to their mind! When it came to introducing the Muses, I could not help but picture them in the form that they were represented as in the cartoon movie of Hercules! Anyways, I love that you are using the Muses are the narrators of each story.
For the overall writing style, I thought that you did a wonderful job of making me feel like I was sitting right along side the children observing what was going on. You have a very nice flow to your story and a very entertaining set up! I also really like the Disney-like font style that you chose. It is perfect for a daycare setting!
Wonderful job! I look forward to reading your actual stories in the future!
Hello Kelsey! Mrs. Gibbs recommended me to read your storybook! I love anything about gods so I am sure I will love your stories. Your coverpage looks awesome. The subtle backgrounds of clouds look like you are on Mt. Olympus. The picture of the Muses you choose is also nice. It sets a peaceful and playful tone. In my opinion, you have one of the best Introductions. You dive right in at the daycare with the Demigods who are still kids at the time and want to learn about the Goddesses. This is a great way to set your storybook up because if enables you to tell many different types of stories and also maybe some of the demigods could chime in. Demigods are half god and half man right? I am not too sure whether or not that it is the case, but I think so. Another thing I also thought you did well was briefly explain what each god did and tell about there background story. Now the readers will have some knowledge when reading your stories. Your story of Artemis is magnificent! There was so much information that I didn’t know, like how she was the protector of young girls and the goddess of childbirth. I think you told your story very well and the little interruptions by the demigods was funny.
I absolutely love the direction your storybook is going. You interactions between the muses and the little demigods is priceless. I laughed more than is appropriate when Percy freaked out about someone coming out of his head when he had headaches. So great job with that aspect of your story. The story of Apollo and Artemis's births was really good. I had never actually read anything about their birth so I was really intrigued with the story. I definitely understand why Artemis is the goddess of childbirth. It would take a lot to help your own mother give birth to your brother right after you were born. I will say out of what you have so far, the story of Athena's birth is my favorite. It may be because Athena is one of my favorite goddesses from Olympus, but I really enjoyed your writing style throughout that story. I did however, notice one mistake. You said, "Zeus loved with Metis" while the muse was telling the story, but other than that your story was great! I am really looking forward to hearing the story about Hera. I definitely hope I get a chance to come back and read more of your storybook later this semester.
Hi Kelsey! I chose your storybook as my extra for this week! I love the background you chose for your storybook because it gives the heavenly feeling of high power but also it is just adorable and plays into the daycare part as well. The coverpage photo is a good choice too since it shows the playfulness of the demigods. I love your introduction so much because I am pretty familiar with the mythology and it is so sweet to think of all these demigods as children! You did an excellent job of explaining the mythology from the teacher’s perspective. The first story reminds me of story time for sure. I like that the muses joke together and the demigods interject to tell their thoughts. I laughed at the part where they ask if Hera hates everyone. The second story is fantastic as well. I love Athena and Artemis! The excitement over Odysseus is super sweet and the oracles and prophecies make this story so mystical. The little teasing and jokes in this story are so good, such as Perseus defending his dad and Poseidon eating people! Overall I really enjoyed your storybook and I think you are doing a wonderful job. I am definitely going to come back to read over your next stories.
I love your storybook concept, it’s so catchy! I was kind of disappointed when I actually started reading your storybook, though. I wanted a Rugrats sort of storybook where I got to read about the demigods and all the mischief they get into in daycare, but instead I got a story about the muses telling the demigods stories they probably already know about their parents. It just wasn’t as exciting as what I was hoping for. I mean, everything is really well written, though I’m not sure why Clio is the only one talking when all of the muses are there. Anyway, it just wasn’t up to par with my expectations. As for the theme, I think it’s alright. It could be better and more exciting, but it works and isn’t too overused. I like the font you’ve chosen. It’s not boring and easy to read. Very important! As for the photos, they’re nice, but I’m not sure why you clumped them all together at the end of the introduction. You’ve got all of this space and you put them all at the end. It was kind of annoying in a way? I just wanted to see the pictures throughout the story, you know? But, overall, I really enjoyed your storybook.
This week I had to come back and read your storybook project for extra credit, again, I just love it that much! If I did not mention this during my last post, I think that it is great that you have combined all of theses elements and have them flow so smoothly. Prior to your storybook, I did not know much about the muses, other than they were in the beginning of Disney's Hercules movie. I like how you have developed their personalities, and allowed each of their specialties to come out when they are telling stories to the demigod children. Even if you add small insight to another character, that does not have to do with the main plot, you do a great job of explaining their importance briefly without distracting the reader from the actual storyline.
When researching Greek/Roman mythology during the first week of class, I came across the story pertaining to the birth of Athena. This may be true, but many of the facts in your author's note I was actually unaware of! I did not know that Zeus had, or possibly had, a wife other than Hera. I also was unaware that Posiedon could have also been Athena's father. As I've said before you are doing such a great job, and I cannot wait to come back to read your story about Hera (especially since my own project is centered around her).
I'm so glad that Laura put us in the same group again! Your storybook is by far my favorite that I've read so far. You are such a wonderful writer and keep me glued to your story each time. I love how you always incorporate movement into the tale. Seriously, I think that's what is the cherry on top of your fantastic stories! I have everything playing through in my head dialogue as well as stances the whole time. I can't get over how you incorporate the children's personalities and how children act the whole way through. Do you have kids of your own that you're channeling their actions? I also am learning a lot about Greek mythology still. Like I've said before, I am not up to date on that topic, so this is a very fun way to learn about it! This week's story on Athena was really good. I didn't know about the prophecy with Metis' first son! Keep up the great work and I can't wait to read on!
This is such a cute idea! I think you did an excellent job of capturing typical classroom dynamics. You can tell that the kids have been in school for a little while because they are attentive to the teacher. Percy is absolutely adorable! I really liked how you used him as a way to tell you reader that your main focus would be on the Greek goddesses. I like how you included a picture of different muses at the bottom as well. Giving each muse a different personality was definitely a nice touch! It gave it a more humanized and realistic approach. I am a little curious how these children are not all scared hearing about how much their father got around. But this definitely adds some adult humor into your story! The kids asking questions and engaging with the muses was a nice touch in making your story pop and appear more realistic. In your second story I was shocked at first when the little boy said his favorite story was Odysseus. All I could think was dang this kids are smarter than some adults. Then I realized that because they are gods they probably heard those stories growing up as little kids. Nice job on all of the little details that make your storybook so great! Keep up the good work!
Hello Kelsey! I am so glad that I was able to explore your storybook this week! First of all I think the concept you chose on how to tell your stories is great! I had a picture of all of these baby gods in my head the entire time I was reading your stories. As far as your cover page is concerned, I think you chose a great graphic. Moving on to your introduction, I think it was very well written and was intriguing enough to make me want to read your additional stories. So well done in that aspect! Additionally, I really liked your stories. I think the most confusing part about it though was that you used so many characters that it almost became overwhelming to tell all of them apart. That would honestly be my only criticism. I really like how you used a storytelling format for this, and how you made the demigods truly sound like children. Especially Percy I believe it was being so concerned in the story of Athena that someone was going to pop out of his head. I thought that was hilarious, especially the way the older people handled it. It was exactly how I would have responded to a child too. I found this to be a great way to tell this story and that the way you wrote it, only added to it being even better. Another thing is that I found your author's notes to be very helpful. It may help if you possibly did something about who each of the child's parents are though in the author's note. A list of that may be helpful to look at. Just a small suggestion though. Overall, I think you have done a great job and I can't wait to read the other posts! Keep up the great work! :)
Just like I said in one of my previous comments, I love the slight innuendos and the embarrassment that goes along with them! You do such a great job at introducing that theme in such a playful story. There are so many instances that I love. For example, the way in which you describe Percy's raising of his hand before he is told that he has nothing to worry about fits a child perfectly. Not to mention, it's a great way to end a story on a funny note. Plus, I love the implied competition among the demigods. One of my favorite examples is when Theseus asks for confirmation that Poseidon would never eat a person because "that's gross."
There are just a few grammatical things I wanted to comment on, so I have listed them below:
For the sentence "No one raised their hand," the word "their" should be changed to "his or her" in order to agree with the indefinite pronoun, which is singular in this case.
You do not need a comma after "back down" in the sentence in which you describe Theseus's pout.
Overall, however, you are doing a great job at adding so much life to your stories with the emotion and reactions of the children. I love it!
I love the look of your site overall, it’s very fun and playful and gives off a great vibe. I haven’t even read anything yet but this is an enjoyable page visually, so great job designing!
My favorite part of your introduction is that you go ahead and give a brief summary of each goddess that you will be telling a story about in the future. Now you won’t have to give this summary in your individual stories and you can spend more time doing the storytelling. Overall, I thought the introduction was great and the theme of your storybook is very unique and exciting. It was also a nice touch to give an example of some of the demigods in the daycare and reading “Percy” definitely made me laugh.
Your first story was an amazing piece of writing! You did a great job to give the muse telling the story a personality and keep it constant throughout the story. The detail to attention, such as her repeatedly tugging on her sleeve do this perfectly. I have noticed the same thing about trying to piece together myths but you did a great job! Overall, this was a very fun and easy to understand telling of the story of Artemis, which can’t be found all in one piece anywhere in the Greek writings!
Your take on the stories is great! I would have never thought to have the Muses tell the stories or have it take place in a daycare. I did a similar idea with goddess and their sacred birds and had it told as bedtime stories to three girls at a slumber party. Your idea to have it at a daycare and having the Muses tell the stories is very creative. I also like how you had Perseus as one of the characters since he was the son of Zeus. I like how you connected each goddess to the children. How Artemis watches over the girls, and Athena could lead the boys in an epic quest one day. And of course all of the children like bread so they were all interested in Demeter. The images at the bottom were also a nice addition. I like how you included each goddess as well as a group photo of the Muses.
Your Birth of Artemis story was great as well. I like how you had the Muse introduce the story and interact with the children. I think having the children ask questions and interrupt the story makes it more realistic. There is no way someone could get through a whole story without children asking a million questions and making their own comments. I thought this writing style was great! A small grammatical error that makes a run on sentence I did not quite understand “she tried to make sure that no place on earth would welcome Leto wandered around but she” (12th paragraph). I like how you explain in your Author’s note that you pieced together multiple variations of the myths to make your own. I too had to do this when retelling my stories.
I was really intrigued to see what your story was about after reading the title. A daycare for demigods? It definitely seems like there could be some trouble with that. I have enough trouble trying to get my young cousins to mind me, I can't imagine trying to wrangle down a young Hercules or Perseus! The layout of your storybook seems very fitting for the theme of the tale. The cloudy background seems perfect for a story about characters who are literally from the heavens, and the cartoonish nature of the clouds remind me of the wallpaper you might see in a daycare or nursery.
It's funny to imagine all the little demigods sitting in a circle for story time in the introduction! I like how you set up each of the different stories you plan to tell throughout as well. You did a wonderful job describing the action of the story and writing the dialogue in the first story. The pacing throughout is great; the dialogue keeps the story moving, but it doesn't overshadow the descriptive elements, so we still get a clear picture of what is happening in the room. The interruptions from the little demigods really make this seem like story time at a daycare!
Hi again, Kelsey! I came back to read more of your storybook, and I am loving it just as much as I did the first time I read it.
I thought it was really interesting that you chose to write about the birth of two goddesses. In my limited experience of Greek mythology, I have only read about what gods and goddesses have done in later life, but never how they were born and what their lives were like as they grew up. This, then, was very informative and I loved learning about the births of Artemis and Athena (especially because these are two Greek goddesses that I personally admire).
Your storytelling style and tone throughout were consistently adorable. Your setting of a daycare gives you so much freedom to make the dialogue fun and whimsical as these teachers talk to the children, and you definitely take full advantage of that! Your word choice provides nuances that make the theme believable, and I can really picture the muses speaking gently to the little demigods. I am so glad that you chose this setting, and I'm very impressed with your writing style (and your storybook in general)! Great job!
So as I have told you before, I love your Storybook the most! Naturally, I had to come read your latest addition with this week's random selection assignment :) I rally learn so much about Greek Mythology every time I come read your Storybook! I now know what each muse is inspiration for, the stories of the main gods and goddesses, and who a lot of the kids' parents are! You paint a perfect picture in my brain of the daycare and the circle time audience they have going on! And this week you even had me hearing the crunching of apples! You are very talented at this whole story telling thing and I am just so happy I could read it all!
Hey Kelsey! I remember looking at your storybook earlier this semester when it only consisted of a cover page and an introduction! I thought that it was a very interesting idea and a well constructed introduction, so of course I had to revisit your storybook again this week as one of my free choices!
For all of your stories I completely understand the frustration you must have felt when finding so many different versions of the same story and then trying to construct your own retelling! With that being said, I thought that you did an excellent job of really doing your homework and coming up with some excellent stories! Each of your tales were very enjoyable to read and held me captivated! I also really like the images that you chose for each story. They all fit perfectly! Great job overall and I hope that you enjoy the rest of the semester!
Hi Kelsey! I was really excited to see that there were two more stories added since the last time I visited your storybook because the story about Artemis that I read a few weeks ago was amazing.
Greek mythology is one of my favorite things to read and I love the story of Athena. Even though you kept the details of her birth the same as the original stories, this is still an entertaining and refreshing way to read them. Hearing the baby gods interject their child-like opinions feels so realistic and is funny at the same time. In regards to your author’s note, the myths definitely contain lots of jealousy! It’s understandable given the amount of lovers and children that Zeus has but what a crazy way to “give birth!” Once again, this is one of the best stories I have read all semester and the whole idea of telling these through a daycare is so brilliant!
The story of Hera is one that I am only vaguely familiar with but it’s not surprising at all given the other things Zeus has done. Another thing I gained from your storybook was background information on all of the muses that you introduce. They are lesser-known characters in mythology but important nonetheless.
Overall, I’m so glad I got to read this storybook and it might be the best one that I have read overall. You had an amazing idea and are a very gifted writer on top of that. Great work!
Goodness, your modifiers do an incredible job of developing the personalities of the child demigods. I'm reading "Hera's Marriage" right now, and one line that stands out is "Through a mouthful of apple, Perseus said, 'My dada can make himself look like anything. I wish I could be a bird.'" I can hear the muffled sound of his voice as he interrupts!
You know, I agree with your decision to not include the fact that Hera and Zeus are siblings. In my opinion, it would have triggered a response from the demigods, and then the Muses would be forced to explain the prevalence of incest in Greek mythology! It certainly would cloud things up a bit.
I completely forgot that one of Hercules' labors was to steal the golden apples, and now it makes sense that his child form completely spaced out during the discussion. You might consider making it a little more obvious. Right now, it seems to be less foreshadowing and more the awe of a child who has heard a fantastic story. After all, you write that "all of the children were staring wide-eyed now," so I would think how you could set Hercules' reaction apart from the other demigods.
Still, your Storybook is one of my favorites. Keep it up!
I have really enjoyed your storybook this semester! I thought I would come check on it again to read your latest story!
I was kind of shocked that this story wasn't going to be a birth about another god/goddess, but I think it is a welcome change. A different type of story to tell the kids/readers. I am not as familiar with the story of how Hera married Zeus and am excited to have the chance to read more about it.
I have to agree with Eirene. I would be terrified if a bird I took in transformed into a man. I cannot imagine marrying someone after knowing them for a day. I was expecting one of the kids to comment about that, but they didn't. I guess that makes since though, most younger children have a really hard time understanding time. For instance, in class when they ask how old their parents are and they say 500 years, they just mean a lot older than them. I thought it was funny that you drew attention to Hercules when the muse mentioned the apple tree. Considering that was (or will be) one of his labors.
Your Author's Note was very informative. I had no idea that Hera and Zeus were originally siblings! I have to agree with the fact that you didn't put that in. It would have distracted from your main goal of the story. However, some of the reactions from the young heros would have been priceless with that scenario!
I cannot believe we are almost done with these storybooks! You have really done a fantastic job and made me want to come back often to see what knew story the muses would have for the kids!
I had read your storybook a few weeks ago and decided to revisit it in order to see how things continued. I was disappointed that you hadn't finished yet because I really love your storybook and the way you retell the stories of the gods. However, I was able to read about Hera's marriage to Zeus, so I was excited about that. One thing I must applaud you on it making it truly sound like a story you would tell to children. You also nailed how the children would react and respond to these stories. I am interested to see how you plan on ending things and how you will wrap everything up? Are you going to finish with their parents picking them up or what? I can't wait to see what you do. I like how you end each story with a transition into the next. That is a great way to keep your reader's attention and make them want more. I know it worked for me! Overall these are very well written and creative stories. You have done an excellent job of bringing these characters to life. Great job and keep up the amazing work! You should feel proud and accomplished with what you have done thus far.
Kelsey, I was really excited to visit your storybook again after reading your introduction and your first story a few weeks ago. I think my favorite thing about your stories is that you've taken well known, fierce, Greco-Roman heroes and made them children. Not only that, but you've given their juvenile alter egos personalities that I really think correspond to each character. The interjections from each of the children is really what makes each story endearing because that is where you get to see the personality of each hero. I liked how Perseus comes off just a little bit cocky, which makes sense seeing as how his father is king of the gods! I love that you've captured the excitement of children hearing these stories for the first time, especially since they are getting to hear these stories about their own parents. I actually hadn't heard this story about Hera before so I thought it was nice that you showed a different side of her (I'm used to seeing her mean and hateful) since the audience was children. It was really clever how you alluded to Hercules' future dealings with the golden apples. Overall, I think your storybook is great!
I read through the beginning of your storybook just last week, but I was so impressed with your writing abilities that I wanted to come back this week and see what you had added! Reading "Birth of Athena," once again your use of dialogue is out of this world. When Theseus was excitedly telling the tale of Odysseus, the speech patterns really seemed like something you would hear from a small child. You really captured the energy and excitement of a little boy telling his favorite tale to everyone. The pacing throughout the story is superb; the alternation of descriptive elements and dialogue allows the story to craft a detailed world that the reader can envision without being bogged down in paragraphs of stage setting, and moves the action along without sacrificing background information. The subtleties of this story are what truly bring it to life, such as when Calliope was beginning to tell the tell of Athena's birth, and then called out the two boys in the back who were not paying attention. This reminds me of back in elementary school when the teacher would call out the misbehaving kids in the back who weren't paying attention!
Hi Kelsey! This is my first time reading your storybook and I don’t know why I waited so long to! You are a fantastic writer and it shows a lot in this storybook! I really liked your entire concept for the storybook. Absolutely genius! I have a bit of background knowledge of Greek and Roman mythology from my Latin courses in high school, but I was not aware of like the story of Hera’s marriage. The overall visual look of your site is great! I found the font legible. The colors and background were not distracting or too plain. I think the overall look of your storybook definitely fits your concept!
As for your introduction, I love how you included the Muses. That is a really fantastic idea! Many of epic Greek and Roman poets and writers usually refer to the Muses before they recite their work so I thought it was a genius idea to incorporate them into your storybook.
As for your stories, I did not find any grammatical errors or find trouble following your story. You write very well and I like how you used a lot of dialogue! I don’t think many storybooks focus a lot on dialogue like yours. You did a great job and I can’t wait to read your last installment of your storybook!
Hi Kelsey! I'm returning to comment on your storybook since I had really enjoyed the first two stories you wrote! I am excited to see what you have come up with.
Hera’s Marriage caught my attention immediately since it was about love stories and poems! Erato seems like such a fantastic storyteller. I love that she is kind towards the children and lets them be a part of the conversation. I had no idea about the symbolism of Hera’s apple tree and the serpent. I feel like I learn so much from your storybook! I didn’t know any of this mythology! Your author’s note clears a few things up, like that they were siblings. I think it was a good choice to leave that out, it would’ve complicated things for the children. I love that it was about the bird and the apple tree. It made it very innocent but still very interesting to be told at the daycare! I know there seems to be a lot of information out there so it is awesome that you used what you did for this story.
Overall this is definitely one of my favorite storybooks for this semester! Good job and I hope you enjoyed making it!
Hey Kelsey! This is my first time to read your storybook and I am excited.
I really liked the color choice of your storybook, the font and colors make it appear much more lighthearted than many of the other storybooks. It is interesting to think of the gods as people. Similarly, it is hard for us to see famous people as real human beings until we see them in real life. I thought the premise of your story was interesting. Many of the stories that we have read and rewritten for this class have been mainly for the benefit of teaching children lessons, but not many of the stories have had a majority of children as characters in the story.
I enjoyed your first story, it was interesting to piece all of the stories together to make one. Great job on your use of sources, you really did a lot of research for the project and it shows! Your second story was great; I love how the kids interrupt and add their own input to the story. It makes it all feel that much more real. I thought for sure the apples were going to have some effect on the class, but I realized they were just to link it together with the golden apple story. It reminded me of sunday school when they would bring things to keep the our attention while they told stories. Your stories were fantastic, great job!
Kelsey, your introduction is great! I'll start explaining from top to bottom what I thought of your page.. Firstly, I love your picture on the home page. It's beautiful! I love the variety of colors and lighting, and I like how the picture looks older and worn; it adds some texture. When I read the description, I was like... what the heck is a Muse? You explain it well in your introduction though. I wasn't sure about the title until I read the intro too, but now I see how it fits and I think it's great! I do think you could change the font of the title though, it's a little drab, but I like your sky background! As for the introduction, I think there are a few comma splices that could be fixed, and the initial paragraph could use a little editing; it just doesn't flow very well. But I did get right into your story and found it really entertaining! I don't know much about the Olympian gods, and I think you do a Fantastic job explaining each one and setting the stage for what's about to come next! It really is wonderful. And I can picture exactly what is going on in the classroom as well, which is great. I feel like the setting is pretty modern, and I really liked that ALOT. And how the goddesses actually enter into the room?? That was so awesome, I never would have thought of this sort of thing. It makes the whole story more interactive and I think it was a really great idea. Overall, really love your story.
ReplyDeleteThe idea for your storybook is so adorable! I want to go to demigod daycare! Did the idea for this come from working with children or in a school or something? I'll have to read your introduction after this to see if you mention anything like that. :)
ReplyDeleteI really like your introduction. Like I said above, the theme is adorable. It's also nice how you mapped out which stories you'll be telling. Your ideas were introduced very well and I get the feeling that having a story in which stories are told to little kids will allow for very clear explanations of things that may be difficult to grasp. The comment above me talks about the setting sounding modern but I can't really tell if it is. It'd be awesome if it were, though! I love the idea of taking these magical themes into a more modern setting. And if it is modern, then there are a million unrelated things I want to know. I think I'm getting too distracted with those thoughts! haha
As for the design of your storybook, I think the blue cloudy background is really sweet and goes with the daycare theme well. You added nice pictures, although if you can find a higher quality one of the first picture in your intro that'd be nice.
I think your storybook will be great. I'm excited to see how it turns out and how you end up retelling the stories!
I like the subject, but would personally prefer a more enticing background. There is so much you could do with the “daycare” theme that would be super playful and fun. Something more exciting. However, that is just my personal tastes. I liked the picture you chose for the cover page. I thought it captured the playfulness that is assumed with a daycare. So, I thought it went really well with your title. Your introduction brought back memories of sitting in a circle crisscross applesauce hands in your lap. Haha. I loved that you explained who the Goddesses are in your introduction, but still maintained consciousness of being in a classroom (by saying a boy had lost interest etc). I like that your introduction ended with a smooth transition into your stories. I liked how in your first story you connected the muse Ourania to Artemis and Apollo by explaining that she is the muse of astronomy and they are gods of the sky. I think it is safe to say that all of us had a kid like Percy in our class at some point. Although you were concerned about piecing together details from different stories, I thought your story was really good and the details fit really well into it.
ReplyDeleteKelsey, the premise for your storybook is so cute! I love how you incorporated a very informative style of storytelling while keeping the mood light with the child demigods. First of all, I chose to read your storybook because the title drew me in immediately--with a name like "Demigod Daycare," I figured there were a lot of interesting ways this story could go. I certainly liked how you set the tone of the daycare by panning over to the audience (if you will), describing the actions of the children in response to what the Muses say. You also really captured the essence of a young audience through the words of the teachers. I loved how the stories are introduced so that the entire storytelling session is framed right from the beginning, and it was done well with regards to the setting. I can definitely imagine a teacher trying to get her class excited to learn.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed looking at the images you chose as well! I am somewhat familiar with the Muses, but have never known what they looked like. The mural/painting that you chose was beautiful and provided great imagery for the graceful teachers in this daycare.
Overall, you did a great job introducing your storybook, and I can't wait to read more of your work!
Hi Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteWow. This was an incredible story! I’m really impressed. I had an image of the entire story in my head the entire time. I loved the extra details you added about the kids’ behaviors and the nervousness of Ourania. The interruptions from the students were hilariously on par with how children act always. That was wonderful. I do not know much about Greek mythology, so I learned a ton from your story while I was being entertained! I had no idea that each muse specialized in different gods and goddesses. That was interesting. I just thought everyone knew everything about all the higher beings! You explained that very well within the dialogue. Having the children answer the question was a great way to not have to narrorate everything single piece of information. I really want to follow your Storybook. Don’t be alarmed if you get a comment from me every week! The amount of research you did for this story is very impressive as well. You went into so much detail and had accurate background information. I will never doubt your knowledge on Greek mythology! I bet it was difficult to figure out how to piece everything together. That takes a creative mind. I really cannot think of any critiques, you’ve got everything covered!
Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of your storybook! It is so cute! I have always been a huge fan of Greek mythology. Your idea of having the muses tell these stories to a bunch of little demigods is quite ingenious. It has to be simple enough for them to understand it, but entertaining enough to keep their attention. I also really love how you have them raising their hands and interacting during the story. My mom is a teacher and I have sat in on many of her classes so this makes the story seem more real. However, I will say with a bunch of little kids, you will have some that just refuse to pay attention. It might be kind of cute to have a couple goofing off and the teacher and/or muses getting onto them. Maybe they were playing with toy swords in the back of the group or something that only a little demigod could do to get into trouble. I really like that you have more than one muse telling the story. From your introduction, I assumed that they would all be told by the muse of history. I was pleasantly mistaken. I think that will bring a good spin on things. You definitely have an opportunity to tell each story in a completely different way by creating the option of more than one storyteller. Great job with your stories so far!
Hey Kelsey! Thank you for your comment on my Famous Last Words post. I knew that Fault in Our Stars was based off a true character but never read up on it. Thank you for that helpful comment!
ReplyDeleteKelsey,
ReplyDeleteI love your cover page, and the background that you have provided for your Storybook! My Storybook consists of stories that pertain to Hercules, and I am excited to see if you will incorporate him as well! I love Greek mythology, and I am very excited to see what your stories have in store!
After reading you introduction, I now see what your Storybook is more centered around. I still find it very exciting! I like how the main theme of the project is to tell the story of Olympian goddesses, but you are doing this by retelling stories to an audience of children. This is a great perspective that I don't I could have come up with!
After reading your first story, I have to reiterate that you are doing such a great job with this Storybook. When I finally figured out that you were telling your stories, to the group of young demigods, I didn't expect you to keep them engaged as the stories are being told. I like how you incorporated Hercules into your story, and gave insight that this was Zeus' infidelity with Leto was definitely not his first offense. In your author's note you mention how there are several accounts to Greek myths, and they are hard to piece together at times. I couldn't agree with you more, and I like how you decided to use this to your advantage by choosing certain pieces and combining them to make a story of your own.
Hey there!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say Thank you for you feedback on some of my post! I really appreciate it!
- Christian
I really liked your entire Storybook concept, Kelsey! I love the idea of a bunch of different demigods (no doubt some with similar parentage) gathered together and listening to stories of their parents as children. You were absolutely right about it being hard to piece together Greek Mythology, and I think you did a beautiful job! Having the children interject with questions was a great way to explain some of the trickier parts to the story. I also loved how you weaved some humor into your first story with the bit about the relationship between Hera and Heracles. I loved how it was a bit of an uncomfortable moment for everyone, as it couldn't really be explained to a child why the goddess hated him so much. The images you used on your cover page were beautiful. I find all depictions of the muses fascinating and the depictions of each goddess were so different than any I've ever seen before! I think it's great that you chose to tell your stories about some of the goddesses - I feel that their stories can get a little overlooked in the wake of all the tales about the male heroes and gods. I look forward to reading some of your future stories. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteKelsey, thank you for taking the time to read my storybook page. I hope that you liked the way I am incorporating the Doctor into some of the stories. Originally, I saw that the Doctor was an example of one of the ways you might use a storytelling point of view, and as soon as I read that, my mind started racing with all the ways I could make it work. Thanks for your encouraging words!
ReplyDeleteHey, Kelsey. Thanks for commenting on my blog, and especially on my Week 2 story a while back. I always enjoy getting feedback from fellow students of writing and I hope you'll read more of my stuff in the future and leave comments, as I plan to do the same for your stories.
ReplyDeleteKelsey, thanks for your comments on my storybook! I really like how you went from top to bottom and commented on what you liked, what you would improve, and what went through your mind as you were reading the story! It's always nice to know what I did well and how other people interpret my stories :)
ReplyDeleteIf it was your intention, the humorous and playful tone of your introduction and story puts a smile on your face. You're so adept and subtly introducing small jokes that utilize Greek mythology. It reminds me of adult humor that's weaved ito kid's movies. Your coverpage, thanks to its light blue background and festive image, helps to capture the playfulness of your Storybook.
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed at how well your first story depicts the demigods as children. The dynamic you have created between the children and the muse who tells the story makes your story fun to read, and I hope you continue that pattern as you write your other stories. Plus, you do not introduce the kids directly, and I love that decision. Now, when I read your future stories, I won't know whom to expect! It's a fun type of suspense.
I do have one suggestion. You might try imbedding some images within the story itself. You've chosen good images, and I would hate for them not to have an effect upon the reader. If they are at the bottom, I think they don't get enough decision. Then again, that should not be a concern of yours. It's a very minor suggestion on my part.
Hi Kelsey, I am going to comment on your storybook site. I will be making comments on the layout of your site as well as the content of your site. First and foremost when I initially clicked on to your site. I thought you did an amazing job in terms of the use of image. I think that clicking on your page it really compliments the title of your story book it really gives the readers a very ancient feel. As the use of background colors and text really worked great with the image on your home page. I also think that your title was also really interesting. It makes me wonder does it mean the day care of the Gods. How great would that be if you had all these ancient Gods coming together, could you imagine the stories they would tell about the people they watched over.
ReplyDeleteReading your introduction, I think that you are a very creative writer how you incorporated the power of the gods in a children’s day care helping them to draw better. I also like how you introduced each God to the children and gave your readers a brief explanation of what each god/Goddess stood for. I think that you have done a great job so far. Keep up the good work.
Hi Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteI personally was drawn in by just your title. Writing a storybook over baby demigods is a brilliant idea! So brilliant I almost wish I thought of it! Your cover photo is very fitting for the theme of your storybook. Also the general design and layout of your site is a perfect fit. At first I was kind of confused on the concept of you story but after reading the first story I got a better feel for it.
I like how you gave such distinguishable personalities to each muse. You do a great job of portraying how a real child would react in this situation. Except these children are demigods, so it has an extra flare to your story. I completely agree that Greek Mythology is very hard to piece together. There’s always such different variations to each story that it’s hard to weed out the real origin. Despite this I like the approach you’re taking for this storybook. You’re doing a good job about introducing characters and making sure that your audience knows their backgrounds and purpose. I’m looking forward to reading your other stories and how you’ll introduce other characters. Keep up the good work Kelsey!
Hi Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteI liked your idea to tell the stories like how a teacher might instruct a classroom about a certain topic. Having a mom who is a first grade teacher and also having worked at a school age after school program myself, most of the occurrences in your story I found amusing such as the loss of attention by the boys and of course a kid trying to brag about their dad. My favorite thing was when you had Perseus scared that someone would jump out of his head when he had a headache. I think your choice and style of storytelling is very clever for this because it lets you introduce several other goddesses without having to divert from your main subjects. The only problem I had with the inclusion of all of those characters however is that all of the names and and interjections by the side characters are a bit distracting and make the story hard to follow. But then again I would imagine that a setting with a bunch of demigod children would be a pretty chaotic place. Overall, I think you did a very good job presenting such a large amount information in a small amount of writing and I'll be sure to check out how you conclude your storybook.
Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI chose you for my free choice in this week’s Storybook commenting. I have to say, I absolutely love your layout and template you chose! It’s very fitting! Your idea of the mythical daycare was so creative! After reading your introduction I really felt like I was actually at a God/Goddess’ children’s daycare! I thought your pictures were gorgeous, of all the beautiful statues. In your first story, I thought you did an excellent job with the dialogue. I could just picture the inquisitive children constantly interrupting and asking questions, demanding answers. You really encompassed the children and their various personalities.
I like how you came up with the two stories, teaching the children about how Athena and Artemis came to be. I know how difficult mythology and piecing together the stories can be. But, I believe you did an incredible job. As for the second story, I always loved reading about Athena in Greek mythology. I was able to visit the sites you used for the story and muses. I found these sites to be quite interesting; I will have to read up more about them later. I cannot wait to see which God/Goddess you will be discussing at the daycare next! Great job!
Hey Kelsey! This is my first time to visit your Storybook page, and let me just say that I think your cover page is perfect for your Demigod Daycare topic! I find it pretty amusing that you chose to use what looks like adults as the ones dancing in a circle together. We all certainly have an inner child that has to break free occasionally!
ReplyDeleteI thought that your introduction was very charming and a good representation of how children are not afraid to say just about anything that comes to their mind! When it came to introducing the Muses, I could not help but picture them in the form that they were represented as in the cartoon movie of Hercules! Anyways, I love that you are using the Muses are the narrators of each story.
For the overall writing style, I thought that you did a wonderful job of making me feel like I was sitting right along side the children observing what was going on. You have a very nice flow to your story and a very entertaining set up! I also really like the Disney-like font style that you chose. It is perfect for a daycare setting!
Wonderful job! I look forward to reading your actual stories in the future!
Hello Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteMrs. Gibbs recommended me to read your storybook! I love anything about gods so I am sure I will love your stories. Your coverpage looks awesome. The subtle backgrounds of clouds look like you are on Mt. Olympus. The picture of the Muses you choose is also nice. It sets a peaceful and playful tone.
In my opinion, you have one of the best Introductions. You dive right in at the daycare with the Demigods who are still kids at the time and want to learn about the Goddesses. This is a great way to set your storybook up because if enables you to tell many different types of stories and also maybe some of the demigods could chime in. Demigods are half god and half man right? I am not too sure whether or not that it is the case, but I think so. Another thing I also thought you did well was briefly explain what each god did and tell about there background story. Now the readers will have some knowledge when reading your stories. Your story of Artemis is magnificent! There was so much information that I didn’t know, like how she was the protector of young girls and the goddess of childbirth. I think you told your story very well and the little interruptions by the demigods was funny.
Hey Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the direction your storybook is going. You interactions between the muses and the little demigods is priceless. I laughed more than is appropriate when Percy freaked out about someone coming out of his head when he had headaches. So great job with that aspect of your story. The story of Apollo and Artemis's births was really good. I had never actually read anything about their birth so I was really intrigued with the story. I definitely understand why Artemis is the goddess of childbirth. It would take a lot to help your own mother give birth to your brother right after you were born. I will say out of what you have so far, the story of Athena's birth is my favorite. It may be because Athena is one of my favorite goddesses from Olympus, but I really enjoyed your writing style throughout that story. I did however, notice one mistake. You said, "Zeus loved with Metis" while the muse was telling the story, but other than that your story was great! I am really looking forward to hearing the story about Hera. I definitely hope I get a chance to come back and read more of your storybook later this semester.
Hi Kelsey! I chose your storybook as my extra for this week! I love the background you chose for your storybook because it gives the heavenly feeling of high power but also it is just adorable and plays into the daycare part as well. The coverpage photo is a good choice too since it shows the playfulness of the demigods. I love your introduction so much because I am pretty familiar with the mythology and it is so sweet to think of all these demigods as children! You did an excellent job of explaining the mythology from the teacher’s perspective. The first story reminds me of story time for sure. I like that the muses joke together and the demigods interject to tell their thoughts. I laughed at the part where they ask if Hera hates everyone. The second story is fantastic as well. I love Athena and Artemis! The excitement over Odysseus is super sweet and the oracles and prophecies make this story so mystical. The little teasing and jokes in this story are so good, such as Perseus defending his dad and Poseidon eating people! Overall I really enjoyed your storybook and I think you are doing a wonderful job. I am definitely going to come back to read over your next stories.
ReplyDeleteI love your storybook concept, it’s so catchy! I was kind of disappointed when I actually started reading your storybook, though. I wanted a Rugrats sort of storybook where I got to read about the demigods and all the mischief they get into in daycare, but instead I got a story about the muses telling the demigods stories they probably already know about their parents. It just wasn’t as exciting as what I was hoping for. I mean, everything is really well written, though I’m not sure why Clio is the only one talking when all of the muses are there. Anyway, it just wasn’t up to par with my expectations. As for the theme, I think it’s alright. It could be better and more exciting, but it works and isn’t too overused. I like the font you’ve chosen. It’s not boring and easy to read. Very important! As for the photos, they’re nice, but I’m not sure why you clumped them all together at the end of the introduction. You’ve got all of this space and you put them all at the end. It was kind of annoying in a way? I just wanted to see the pictures throughout the story, you know? But, overall, I really enjoyed your storybook.
ReplyDeleteThis week I had to come back and read your storybook project for extra credit, again, I just love it that much! If I did not mention this during my last post, I think that it is great that you have combined all of theses elements and have them flow so smoothly. Prior to your storybook, I did not know much about the muses, other than they were in the beginning of Disney's Hercules movie. I like how you have developed their personalities, and allowed each of their specialties to come out when they are telling stories to the demigod children. Even if you add small insight to another character, that does not have to do with the main plot, you do a great job of explaining their importance briefly without distracting the reader from the actual storyline.
ReplyDeleteWhen researching Greek/Roman mythology during the first week of class, I came across the story pertaining to the birth of Athena. This may be true, but many of the facts in your author's note I was actually unaware of! I did not know that Zeus had, or possibly had, a wife other than Hera. I also was unaware that Posiedon could have also been Athena's father. As I've said before you are doing such a great job, and I cannot wait to come back to read your story about Hera (especially since my own project is centered around her).
Hi again Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that Laura put us in the same group again! Your storybook is by far my favorite that I've read so far. You are such a wonderful writer and keep me glued to your story each time. I love how you always incorporate movement into the tale. Seriously, I think that's what is the cherry on top of your fantastic stories! I have everything playing through in my head dialogue as well as stances the whole time. I can't get over how you incorporate the children's personalities and how children act the whole way through. Do you have kids of your own that you're channeling their actions? I also am learning a lot about Greek mythology still. Like I've said before, I am not up to date on that topic, so this is a very fun way to learn about it! This week's story on Athena was really good. I didn't know about the prophecy with Metis' first son! Keep up the great work and I can't wait to read on!
Hey Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteThis is such a cute idea! I think you did an excellent job of capturing typical classroom dynamics. You can tell that the kids have been in school for a little while because they are attentive to the teacher. Percy is absolutely adorable! I really liked how you used him as a way to tell you reader that your main focus would be on the Greek goddesses. I like how you included a picture of different muses at the bottom as well. Giving each muse a different personality was definitely a nice touch! It gave it a more humanized and realistic approach. I am a little curious how these children are not all scared hearing about how much their father got around. But this definitely adds some adult humor into your story! The kids asking questions and engaging with the muses was a nice touch in making your story pop and appear more realistic. In your second story I was shocked at first when the little boy said his favorite story was Odysseus. All I could think was dang this kids are smarter than some adults. Then I realized that because they are gods they probably heard those stories growing up as little kids. Nice job on all of the little details that make your storybook so great! Keep up the good work!
Hello Kelsey! I am so glad that I was able to explore your storybook this week! First of all I think the concept you chose on how to tell your stories is great! I had a picture of all of these baby gods in my head the entire time I was reading your stories. As far as your cover page is concerned, I think you chose a great graphic. Moving on to your introduction, I think it was very well written and was intriguing enough to make me want to read your additional stories. So well done in that aspect! Additionally, I really liked your stories. I think the most confusing part about it though was that you used so many characters that it almost became overwhelming to tell all of them apart. That would honestly be my only criticism. I really like how you used a storytelling format for this, and how you made the demigods truly sound like children. Especially Percy I believe it was being so concerned in the story of Athena that someone was going to pop out of his head. I thought that was hilarious, especially the way the older people handled it. It was exactly how I would have responded to a child too. I found this to be a great way to tell this story and that the way you wrote it, only added to it being even better.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing is that I found your author's notes to be very helpful. It may help if you possibly did something about who each of the child's parents are though in the author's note. A list of that may be helpful to look at. Just a small suggestion though. Overall, I think you have done a great job and I can't wait to read the other posts! Keep up the great work! :)
Just like I said in one of my previous comments, I love the slight innuendos and the embarrassment that goes along with them! You do such a great job at introducing that theme in such a playful story. There are so many instances that I love. For example, the way in which you describe Percy's raising of his hand before he is told that he has nothing to worry about fits a child perfectly. Not to mention, it's a great way to end a story on a funny note. Plus, I love the implied competition among the demigods. One of my favorite examples is when Theseus asks for confirmation that Poseidon would never eat a person because "that's gross."
ReplyDeleteThere are just a few grammatical things I wanted to comment on, so I have listed them below:
For the sentence "No one raised their hand," the word "their" should be changed to "his or her" in order to agree with the indefinite pronoun, which is singular in this case.
You do not need a comma after "back down" in the sentence in which you describe Theseus's pout.
Overall, however, you are doing a great job at adding so much life to your stories with the emotion and reactions of the children. I love it!
Hi Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI love the look of your site overall, it’s very fun and playful and gives off a great vibe. I haven’t even read anything yet but this is an enjoyable page visually, so great job designing!
My favorite part of your introduction is that you go ahead and give a brief summary of each goddess that you will be telling a story about in the future. Now you won’t have to give this summary in your individual stories and you can spend more time doing the storytelling. Overall, I thought the introduction was great and the theme of your storybook is very unique and exciting. It was also a nice touch to give an example of some of the demigods in the daycare and reading “Percy” definitely made me laugh.
Your first story was an amazing piece of writing! You did a great job to give the muse telling the story a personality and keep it constant throughout the story. The detail to attention, such as her repeatedly tugging on her sleeve do this perfectly. I have noticed the same thing about trying to piece together myths but you did a great job! Overall, this was a very fun and easy to understand telling of the story of Artemis, which can’t be found all in one piece anywhere in the Greek writings!
Your take on the stories is great! I would have never thought to have the Muses tell the stories or have it take place in a daycare. I did a similar idea with goddess and their sacred birds and had it told as bedtime stories to three girls at a slumber party. Your idea to have it at a daycare and having the Muses tell the stories is very creative. I also like how you had Perseus as one of the characters since he was the son of Zeus. I like how you connected each goddess to the children. How Artemis watches over the girls, and Athena could lead the boys in an epic quest one day. And of course all of the children like bread so they were all interested in Demeter. The images at the bottom were also a nice addition. I like how you included each goddess as well as a group photo of the Muses.
ReplyDeleteYour Birth of Artemis story was great as well. I like how you had the Muse introduce the story and interact with the children. I think having the children ask questions and interrupt the story makes it more realistic. There is no way someone could get through a whole story without children asking a million questions and making their own comments. I thought this writing style was great! A small grammatical error that makes a run on sentence I did not quite understand “she tried to make sure that no place on earth would welcome Leto wandered around but she” (12th paragraph). I like how you explain in your Author’s note that you pieced together multiple variations of the myths to make your own. I too had to do this when retelling my stories.
Hey Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI was really intrigued to see what your story was about after reading the title. A daycare for demigods? It definitely seems like there could be some trouble with that. I have enough trouble trying to get my young cousins to mind me, I can't imagine trying to wrangle down a young Hercules or Perseus! The layout of your storybook seems very fitting for the theme of the tale. The cloudy background seems perfect for a story about characters who are literally from the heavens, and the cartoonish nature of the clouds remind me of the wallpaper you might see in a daycare or nursery.
It's funny to imagine all the little demigods sitting in a circle for story time in the introduction! I like how you set up each of the different stories you plan to tell throughout as well. You did a wonderful job describing the action of the story and writing the dialogue in the first story. The pacing throughout is great; the dialogue keeps the story moving, but it doesn't overshadow the descriptive elements, so we still get a clear picture of what is happening in the room. The interruptions from the little demigods really make this seem like story time at a daycare!
Hi again, Kelsey! I came back to read more of your storybook, and I am loving it just as much as I did the first time I read it.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was really interesting that you chose to write about the birth of two goddesses. In my limited experience of Greek mythology, I have only read about what gods and goddesses have done in later life, but never how they were born and what their lives were like as they grew up. This, then, was very informative and I loved learning about the births of Artemis and Athena (especially because these are two Greek goddesses that I personally admire).
Your storytelling style and tone throughout were consistently adorable. Your setting of a daycare gives you so much freedom to make the dialogue fun and whimsical as these teachers talk to the children, and you definitely take full advantage of that! Your word choice provides nuances that make the theme believable, and I can really picture the muses speaking gently to the little demigods. I am so glad that you chose this setting, and I'm very impressed with your writing style (and your storybook in general)! Great job!
Hi yet again Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteSo as I have told you before, I love your Storybook the most! Naturally, I had to come read your latest addition with this week's random selection assignment :) I rally learn so much about Greek Mythology every time I come read your Storybook! I now know what each muse is inspiration for, the stories of the main gods and goddesses, and who a lot of the kids' parents are! You paint a perfect picture in my brain of the daycare and the circle time audience they have going on! And this week you even had me hearing the crunching of apples! You are very talented at this whole story telling thing and I am just so happy I could read it all!
Hey Kelsey! I remember looking at your storybook earlier this semester when it only consisted of a cover page and an introduction! I thought that it was a very interesting idea and a well constructed introduction, so of course I had to revisit your storybook again this week as one of my free choices!
ReplyDeleteFor all of your stories I completely understand the frustration you must have felt when finding so many different versions of the same story and then trying to construct your own retelling! With that being said, I thought that you did an excellent job of really doing your homework and coming up with some excellent stories! Each of your tales were very enjoyable to read and held me captivated! I also really like the images that you chose for each story. They all fit perfectly! Great job overall and I hope that you enjoy the rest of the semester!
Hi Kelsey! I was really excited to see that there were two more stories added since the last time I visited your storybook because the story about Artemis that I read a few weeks ago was amazing.
ReplyDeleteGreek mythology is one of my favorite things to read and I love the story of Athena. Even though you kept the details of her birth the same as the original stories, this is still an entertaining and refreshing way to read them. Hearing the baby gods interject their child-like opinions feels so realistic and is funny at the same time. In regards to your author’s note, the myths definitely contain lots of jealousy! It’s understandable given the amount of lovers and children that Zeus has but what a crazy way to “give birth!” Once again, this is one of the best stories I have read all semester and the whole idea of telling these through a daycare is so brilliant!
The story of Hera is one that I am only vaguely familiar with but it’s not surprising at all given the other things Zeus has done. Another thing I gained from your storybook was background information on all of the muses that you introduce. They are lesser-known characters in mythology but important nonetheless.
Overall, I’m so glad I got to read this storybook and it might be the best one that I have read overall. You had an amazing idea and are a very gifted writer on top of that. Great work!
Goodness, your modifiers do an incredible job of developing the personalities of the child demigods. I'm reading "Hera's Marriage" right now, and one line that stands out is "Through a mouthful of apple, Perseus said, 'My dada can make himself look like anything. I wish I could be a bird.'" I can hear the muffled sound of his voice as he interrupts!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I agree with your decision to not include the fact that Hera and Zeus are siblings. In my opinion, it would have triggered a response from the demigods, and then the Muses would be forced to explain the prevalence of incest in Greek mythology! It certainly would cloud things up a bit.
I completely forgot that one of Hercules' labors was to steal the golden apples, and now it makes sense that his child form completely spaced out during the discussion. You might consider making it a little more obvious. Right now, it seems to be less foreshadowing and more the awe of a child who has heard a fantastic story. After all, you write that "all of the children were staring wide-eyed now," so I would think how you could set Hercules' reaction apart from the other demigods.
Still, your Storybook is one of my favorites. Keep it up!
Hey Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI have really enjoyed your storybook this semester! I thought I would come check on it again to read your latest story!
I was kind of shocked that this story wasn't going to be a birth about another god/goddess, but I think it is a welcome change. A different type of story to tell the kids/readers. I am not as familiar with the story of how Hera married Zeus and am excited to have the chance to read more about it.
I have to agree with Eirene. I would be terrified if a bird I took in transformed into a man. I cannot imagine marrying someone after knowing them for a day. I was expecting one of the kids to comment about that, but they didn't. I guess that makes since though, most younger children have a really hard time understanding time. For instance, in class when they ask how old their parents are and they say 500 years, they just mean a lot older than them. I thought it was funny that you drew attention to Hercules when the muse mentioned the apple tree. Considering that was (or will be) one of his labors.
Your Author's Note was very informative. I had no idea that Hera and Zeus were originally siblings! I have to agree with the fact that you didn't put that in. It would have distracted from your main goal of the story. However, some of the reactions from the young heros would have been priceless with that scenario!
I cannot believe we are almost done with these storybooks! You have really done a fantastic job and made me want to come back often to see what knew story the muses would have for the kids!
Hello Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI had read your storybook a few weeks ago and decided to revisit it in order to see how things continued. I was disappointed that you hadn't finished yet because I really love your storybook and the way you retell the stories of the gods. However, I was able to read about Hera's marriage to Zeus, so I was excited about that. One thing I must applaud you on it making it truly sound like a story you would tell to children. You also nailed how the children would react and respond to these stories. I am interested to see how you plan on ending things and how you will wrap everything up? Are you going to finish with their parents picking them up or what? I can't wait to see what you do. I like how you end each story with a transition into the next. That is a great way to keep your reader's attention and make them want more. I know it worked for me!
Overall these are very well written and creative stories. You have done an excellent job of bringing these characters to life. Great job and keep up the amazing work! You should feel proud and accomplished with what you have done thus far.
Kelsey, I was really excited to visit your storybook again after reading your introduction and your first story a few weeks ago. I think my favorite thing about your stories is that you've taken well known, fierce, Greco-Roman heroes and made them children. Not only that, but you've given their juvenile alter egos personalities that I really think correspond to each character. The interjections from each of the children is really what makes each story endearing because that is where you get to see the personality of each hero. I liked how Perseus comes off just a little bit cocky, which makes sense seeing as how his father is king of the gods! I love that you've captured the excitement of children hearing these stories for the first time, especially since they are getting to hear these stories about their own parents. I actually hadn't heard this story about Hera before so I thought it was nice that you showed a different side of her (I'm used to seeing her mean and hateful) since the audience was children. It was really clever how you alluded to Hercules' future dealings with the golden apples. Overall, I think your storybook is great!
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI read through the beginning of your storybook just last week, but I was so impressed with your writing abilities that I wanted to come back this week and see what you had added! Reading "Birth of Athena," once again your use of dialogue is out of this world. When Theseus was excitedly telling the tale of Odysseus, the speech patterns really seemed like something you would hear from a small child. You really captured the energy and excitement of a little boy telling his favorite tale to everyone. The pacing throughout the story is superb; the alternation of descriptive elements and dialogue allows the story to craft a detailed world that the reader can envision without being bogged down in paragraphs of stage setting, and moves the action along without sacrificing background information. The subtleties of this story are what truly bring it to life, such as when Calliope was beginning to tell the tell of Athena's birth, and then called out the two boys in the back who were not paying attention. This reminds me of back in elementary school when the teacher would call out the misbehaving kids in the back who weren't paying attention!
Hi Kelsey! This is my first time reading your storybook and I don’t know why I waited so long to! You are a fantastic writer and it shows a lot in this storybook! I really liked your entire concept for the storybook. Absolutely genius! I have a bit of background knowledge of Greek and Roman mythology from my Latin courses in high school, but I was not aware of like the story of Hera’s marriage. The overall visual look of your site is great! I found the font legible. The colors and background were not distracting or too plain. I think the overall look of your storybook definitely fits your concept!
ReplyDeleteAs for your introduction, I love how you included the Muses. That is a really fantastic idea! Many of epic Greek and Roman poets and writers usually refer to the Muses before they recite their work so I thought it was a genius idea to incorporate them into your storybook.
As for your stories, I did not find any grammatical errors or find trouble following your story. You write very well and I like how you used a lot of dialogue! I don’t think many storybooks focus a lot on dialogue like yours. You did a great job and I can’t wait to read your last installment of your storybook!
Hi Kelsey! I'm returning to comment on your storybook since I had really enjoyed the first two stories you wrote! I am excited to see what you have come up with.
ReplyDeleteHera’s Marriage caught my attention immediately since it was about love stories and poems! Erato seems like such a fantastic storyteller. I love that she is kind towards the children and lets them be a part of the conversation. I had no idea about the symbolism of Hera’s apple tree and the serpent. I feel like I learn so much from your storybook! I didn’t know any of this mythology!
Your author’s note clears a few things up, like that they were siblings. I think it was a good choice to leave that out, it would’ve complicated things for the children. I love that it was about the bird and the apple tree. It made it very innocent but still very interesting to be told at the daycare! I know there seems to be a lot of information out there so it is awesome that you used what you did for this story.
Overall this is definitely one of my favorite storybooks for this semester! Good job and I hope you enjoyed making it!
Hey Kelsey! This is my first time to read your storybook and I am excited.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the color choice of your storybook, the font and colors make it appear much more lighthearted than many of the other storybooks. It is interesting to think of the gods as people. Similarly, it is hard for us to see famous people as real human beings until we see them in real life. I thought the premise of your story was interesting. Many of the stories that we have read and rewritten for this class have been mainly for the benefit of teaching children lessons, but not many of the stories have had a majority of children as characters in the story.
I enjoyed your first story, it was interesting to piece all of the stories together to make one. Great job on your use of sources, you really did a lot of research for the project and it shows! Your second story was great; I love how the kids interrupt and add their own input to the story. It makes it all feel that much more real. I thought for sure the apples were going to have some effect on the class, but I realized they were just to link it together with the golden apple story. It reminded me of sunday school when they would bring things to keep the our attention while they told stories. Your stories were fantastic, great job!